This morning I read a post on Iblindness about babies born before 1956 in the U.S. being routinely given silver nitrate in their eyes, which is caustic and stinging, and the effects can last up to 72 hours — they eventually replaced the silver nitrate with an antibiotic. It’s no surprise the vision of newborns was considered to take a few days to “clear up” — talk about being afraid to see! I was already aware that I might have been born anxious and fearful from being grabbed with forceps (Ow! My head!), but the silver nitrate adds an entirely new dimension.
Well, it’s pointless to focus a lot of energy now on how mistreated I was, how much pain I was in, how scared I must have been, etc. I have the same thoughts about being that introverted little kid in thick heavy glasses in elementary school — yes, it was sad, but why wallow? It’s SO much better now! Better yet, I know what to do now to keep things moving forward. Back then I was full of hopelessness and isolation, trudging forward out of sheer stubbornness, the only thing keeping me from total despair being the hope that at least I could move out of my restrictive home environment when I reached 18. Then I could begin to make a life for myself, if not see any better.
During palming or meditation now I often imagine myself seeing very clearly, driving easily in a relaxed way, seeing the entire chart clearly from 20 feet away or more, seeing the details on the trees in the far distance, feeling the ease and confidence and wonder. I’ve also gone back to scenes from my history and tried to re-script them to empower myself more. I can’t make myself see clearly as a child and remove my glasses, as that feels like too much of a leap (and a lie). I can see that adversity strengthens me, like having no help or support making me fiercely independent, so I emphsize those kinds of positive aspects. I think it’s time to do a little bit more of this with me as an infant, coming into this big scary world to face some early obstacles. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I’m still here. And it’s safe to see!
DreamerSight 
Hi Nancy!
Yet another huge week finished! I’m glad that my traffic light are finished too!
I like the title of your post, but ”Seeing myself seeing with clear vision” would be even better!
I think that we don’t really have to consider the sight of newborn babies because:
1.They are learning to see 2.They don’t even really need to see.
Also, at least where I live, forceps aren’t really used anymore because, as with any material, pulling too hard on it can be a problem.
Yes!, It’s so much better! And it will be even better in some time! I think that the best thing to do is to focus on what can be done in a better way(such as palming…) and to enjoy your activities.
Driving will also probably be more relaxing with a better relaxation level and with better sight.
I don’t know how I did it, but one morning this week, I have been able to see the letter swinging on my chart. I wish I had more time to practice, but I do what I can and I’m glad to say that my sight did not came back to 10/40 or less this week. It’s easier and easier to stay relaxed, even when it seems impossible.
So, back to my homeworks (Grrr! English grammar! I know that we shouldn’t put an s to homework, but the person who did this rule had probably very few homework to do)
Have a nice day of improvements!
-Alexandre
Alexandre,
Thanks for the update and congratulations on getting through another week! The traffic safety board is grateful for your work! (Well, they SHOULD be!) I’m glad you’ve seen the letters swing on the chart — it surprised me you never did before, since your sight is so good compared to mine. I love to watch this, kind of meditative and soothing.
Funny you should mention driving — I’ve been noticing all the different conditions, shadows and sunlight and drizzle, highways and local streets and parking lots, and realizing if I’m going less than 45mph or so I can see pretty well no matter what the light. I see a lot of people, older and hunched over the steering wheel, or very fat so they can’t turn their head, who probably shouldn’t be driving at all! Of course they always have giant SUVs like tanks so think they own the road and everyone should get out of their way. People often cut me off in parking lots like they didn’t even see me, and they usually have glasses on. OK, back to my houseworks…
Nancy